So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Drake has all the answers
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
