Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
