i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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