Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize