according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
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Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
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cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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