Your face is a jimmy john
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
