wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
