why didn't you poke me back
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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