i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
