tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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