After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
