I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
