I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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