so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
