Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
