Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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