GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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