I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
