Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
