Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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