Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
