You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
