I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
