can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
