Betty ford says i'm here all night
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
