oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm gonna fight the coyote
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
