Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
