My friends, they love my intelligence
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
