Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
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I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
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Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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