my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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