Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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