i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
