I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
