I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
