What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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