He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
