I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
