so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
