I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I got inside last night via doggy door
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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