That's science, my friend. Boner science.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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