this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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