She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
