I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
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If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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