Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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