did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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