I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
