Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
