i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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