this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
