How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
