You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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