she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just blew my weed a kiss
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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