I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
