i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
tell me about the eggs
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
