i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
