honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
