oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Are we still banned from the library?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
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Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
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We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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