He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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