I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
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(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
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The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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