I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
