so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
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Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
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Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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