I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
