I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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