I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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