my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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